in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
