RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
