I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
