Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
