I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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