okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Best friends brother. Beat that.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
