when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
