remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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