She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
