2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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