I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i out mim tonsoeep
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