don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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