I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
