just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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