Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
