I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
