Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
