At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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