The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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