so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
