i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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