I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
