it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
