It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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