If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
