I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
