Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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