I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
