the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
