I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
