Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
