i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
