Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
