wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
