We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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