And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
