can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Blood and glitter go together right?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
