I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
