oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
