I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
