Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
