You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize