Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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