Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
