just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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