He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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