I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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