I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
