ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
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