my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
high people should be assigned attendants
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
