Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
