he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
