dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
