I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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