So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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