Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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