Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
