Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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