You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Sober January is a disaster.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
