If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
