Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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