he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
