Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
