I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's never too late to be topless.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize