you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
