Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
