Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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