HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
