On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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