he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
why do cheetos always look like penises
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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