She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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