she woke up with a sticky ear
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
