My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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