Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize