whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
