the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
