i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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