So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
