so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It's never too late to be topless.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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