I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
