Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
high people should be assigned attendants
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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