The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
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