Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize