Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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