You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize