guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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