I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize