You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
