what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Damn victory sex feels great
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