It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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