where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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