Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
