Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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