Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
