I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
