I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
